by Jisu Bang


It is that time, again, when we find ourselves approaching the end of the current year and eagerly anticipating the arrival of the next. Now is therefore an opportune moment for self-reflection and the setting of new goals and resolutions.

The story I want to tell takes us back to last September. It was a typical Sunday night, and I was engaged in a football match with my teammates. The game was a pre-season friendly against another team in our league, and we were leading by two goals. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, with no major concerns. However, an unfortunate incident occurred during the second half that I wish I could undo. As I leaped to head the ball in the air, I heard a distinct crack upon landing. It felt as though my bones momentarily shifted out of place – it’s difficult to find a more accurate description. I was unable to get up for a few minutes, but I eventually managed to leave the field. Memories of my first ACL (anterior cruciate ligament) injury in 2019 flooded my mind, and I couldn’t help but think “not again”.

Three days later, the MRI scan result confirmed my fears: I had a complete ACL tear. Already familiar with the challenging journey of post-surgery rehabilitation, I found it difficult to maintain a positive mindset. A week later, I underwent my second ACL surgery on the same knee. This marked only the beginning of a long and arduous process. For about a month, I relied on crutches to move around, unable to walk unaided. With each passing day, it seemed as though my muscles were diminishing. My physical appearance was, of course, never the primary concern. Have you ever experienced the challenge of taking a shower without being able to put weight on one of your feet? Or the frustration of having to wear a knee brace and use crutches just to visit the restroom in the middle of the night? Not to mention the inconvenience of not being able to hold your phone while using crutches. The list of inconveniences seems endless.

Suddenly, everything became a source of complaint, until the one-month mark after my surgery, when I was finally free from the crutches. I was *finally* free from crutches. However, this did not mean that I could walk “normally” right away. In fact, it took me an additional week to walk unassisted for more than 5 minutes, not to mention the ongoing requirement of wearing a knee brace. But, as I was relearning to walk again, I began reflecting on the activities that were once effortless for me. Simple tasks like sleeping without a pillow between my knees, showering without the fear of injuring my ligament, ascending and descending stairs without relying on the handrail, and avoiding the curious gazes of passersby due to my impaired gait. In retrospect, these challenges weren’t as bad as I initially perceived. I also realized that walking has never been an easy feat. Even as one-year-olds, we all faced significant pressure and exerted immense effort to take those first few steps. Walking was a struggle then too, but I managed to overcome it. This hopefully goes on to prove that we have all actually been tougher than we think.

My intention is for this reflection to offer solace to those who have encountered a challenging year and to inspire those who may be grappling with self-doubt. Take a moment to contemplate your accomplishments over the past year. Although I could not do those things I mentioned above while I was handicapped, I still managed to make progress with my thesis, continued to be involved in a volunteer service program where I teach kids English via Zoom, and maintained my overall skeletal muscle mass by training the upper body with higher intensity. Undoubtedly, you have performed admirably and have the potential to excel even further in the upcoming year.