Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

by Stephanie Ng

“You must have the best self-care routine,” my friend remarked upon learning that I was pursuing a PhD in the field of psychology.

This is a common assumption: the idea that our professions seamlessly translate into practical skills in daily life. Doctors are expected to be in excellent health. Teachers are expected to be great at explaining concepts and to have endless patience. And psychologists are expected to read minds (I’m not even joking).

And while I am unable to read minds, there is certainly truth to this idea. My academic interests in issues of mental health and illness have helped me appreciate the intricacies of the human mind, marvel at how unique each person’s psychological make-up can be, and recognize signs and symptoms of psychological and emotional distress in the people around me.

However, perhaps the most valuable lesson I have learned in my time as a psychology student is that our mental health states are constantly in flux, and that there is no one-size-fits-all model when it comes to caring for our mental health. Delving deep into the field of psychology has not helped me achieve ‘perfection’ in strategies of caring for my mental health. Instead, it has helped me develop a sense of appreciation for the imperfections inherent in the process of developing self-care strategies that work for each person.

Here are my top three notes to self, when it comes to caring for my own mental health:

(1) It doesn’t have to be a bubble bath: When I first started considering more proactive ways to care for my mental health, I felt intimidated by the stereotypical images of ‘self-care’ that I would see in stock images – you know, the lady lying in an elaborate bubble-bath setup with cucumbers on her eyes and someone painting her toenails. And while elaborate bubble-bath setups can be the idea of relaxation for some of us, it can feel like too big of a commitment or simply unpleasant (I hate getting wrinkly toes) for others amongst us. Many of us become constrained by the idea that these stereotypical forms of self-care we see portrayed in the media (e.g., bubble baths, seated meditations, floating in the dead sea) are the only acceptable forms, when in reality there are many other ways to boost our mental health on a day-to-day basis. Which brings me to my next point:

(2) Your mental health self-care routine can look different from day-to-day. On high-energy days, caring for your mental health might look like taking a solo hike with your dog or grooving to a YouTube dance video. And on lower-energy days, it might feel more rejuvenating to watch a nature documentary in your PJs on the couch while falling in and out of sleep to David Attenborough’s deep silky voice. The point is, your self-care routine is meant to ebb and flow in accordance with what is going on in your life – it is not meant to be another stick with which to beat yourself, and you do not need to feel guilty for not being able to ‘keep up’ the same self-care routine everyday.

(3) Lastly, your mentality when engaging in self-care activities matters far more than what you actually do. For me, doing something in my day to intentionally care for my mental health – whether that be something as small as stopping at a bakery to buy cheese bread and pausing to eat it under a tree, or carving out a whole half day to go on a hike to the peak – is an important way to remind myself that I have time. In our busy lives, we can get used to operating in a time-scarce mindset, always feeling like we don’t have enough time or wishing that we had more. Consistent and intentional acts of self-care function as ‘mental memos’, reminding us that there is always time to pause, even if just for a moment.